cloth toilet paper

Lately I've been Googling about for ways to save money. Of course I get page after page advising me to "cut up those credit cards!" and telling me how to pay down my credit card debt.

I don't have credit cards or credit card debt. I wised up to my inability to use them with discretion a long time ago. Ditto a checking account. Unless I have cash in hand, I do not seem to grasp the reality that my money is not infinite, so I limit myself to cash and a reloadable VISA. The money I've saved in interest, late fees, overdraft/over limit fees, and just fees in general would pay for a phat vacation to Thailand. I seem to be in the minority of Americans though, considering the dozens of bloggers and posters who complain about how they've maxed out all of their cards and try to pawn the blame onto the credit card companies.

However, what caught my attention was not the usual mundane advice but the disgusting suggestion to use "cloth TP". I had to reread that one a few times before I accepted they meant cloth TOILET PAPER. Never mind the fact that you're wasting water and laundry soap and bleach just to be able to reuse your butt wipes, it's a money saver AND eco friendly! Ahh baloney. There's no damn way I'd be washing shit covered rags with my regular laundry, so that's an extra wash load, and unless you're ok with crap smeared cloth festering in your laundry basket until Saturday, it's more like an extra 3 or 4 wash loads a week. Laundry detergent isn't cheap, so tell me again how that's saving money?

Just thinking about that makes me wanna go squeeze the Charmin.

Gunpowder and propane

As I pulled in the driveway this evening I saw my Himalayan cat, Jazz, batting at something under the propane tank. As the truck's headlights swept across the tank, the object of his affection turned out to be a small rattlesnake. I parked the truck, leaving the headlights on, and headed for the house to get my shotgun.

Now I know what you're thinking. I'm about to use a shotgun to kill a snake... under a tank full of propane. Essentially the snake is hiding under a 500 gallon bomb. I wasn't thinking this far ahead at the time though.

I reach in the door just enough to grab the shotgun, when the hanger it rests on breaks, and the gun slips from my grasp, hits the floor, and goes off.

It took a moment to realize why I was deaf. Blinking stupidly I peer up at the ceiling to see a 2 inch diameter hole where the #7 birdshot hit. Oops. I could have sworn the safety was on.


Back outside at the tank it became obvious the snake was not going to leave the protection of the propane tank any time soon so I laid the shotgun down (this time with the safety on) and grabbed a hoe. I am still surprised that he never tried to make a break for it. Instead he held his ground and repeatedly struck the hoe as I tried to pull him out from beneath the tank. Eventually I got him out and went to cut his head off, but the pile of crap hoe wouldn't hack a dandelion in half so it took a few hits.

Hailstorms and tornados

This week has been rather trying for me. First the last goat I had left managed to get into my garage (long story), wedge herself behind a broken down washing machine, and die of old age. Of course she did this while I was out of town for a few days, so by the time I discovered her, she'd been marinating for a bit in the June heat and was too soupy to remove without the use of a wet vac and a spatula. Then my sewer line backed up, causing the washing machine to flood the damn house when it tried to drain. Sunday I and everyone else where I live was treated to a 30 minute hailstorm with 80-100 mph winds and a couple of tornados tossed in for added effect. The end result of that is the roofs on the hay barn and my house are destroyed, every window is broken, my french doors were blown open allowing the dining room to flood (and now they won't close), and every sheep shed I have is in someone else's yard. Hail killed a few lambs, but considering all their shelters had blown away it's a miracle any of them survived. My Nissan has more hail damage than Michael Moore's ass and is littered with broken glass, dirt, and grass thanks to the hail busting out a window. I was at work with my truck, and it took the full brunt of the sideways flying hail on the passenger side, but amazingly enough did not get a single dent. However, the driver side view mirror shattered despite being on the protected side. Hrm.

There is no vegetation left standing, only shattered stalks remain. Trees were stripped bare of leaves and bark. None of my fruit trees will survive, and only the oldest of my pines came through ok. My flowerbeds are blasted almost down to the ground and one massive cactus that had been nearly as tall as me lies on the ground looking like someone used it for target practice with 00 buckshot.

However, I came out pretty well compared to others. A friend of mine's roof first turned into a swimming pool before finally caving into her house and flooding it.

I took a ton of photos of the damage the next morning. Last year we had a tornado come through and my insurance company tried to say that despite the broken windows and raised off the rafters decking, there was no damage. This time you can see the stripped and broken shingles from the road (and even see half the shingles still IN the road), so they better not EVEN try to pull the "Oh it looks FINE" crap again. They tried to tell me that my house is crappy so unless the house is a total loss, they won't be paying anything. Funny, I don't recall seeing a "Since your house is a POS we won't pay anything unless it's razed to the ground" clause on the policy.

What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

Somehow I have been relegated to sleeping on the couch while my bottle lamb sleeps on my waterbed. At any given time he can be found snoring away on it, head up on a pillow, one leg draped over a teddy bear. Even when he is awake, he prefers to recline amongst the pillows while surveying his domain. Meanwhile I come home from work, shower, and head to the couch.

I read a story once about a dairy farmer who had a bunch of stalls with huge waterbed bladders in them for his dairy cows, and how the cows would actually take turns napping on the beds. He said the cows loved their waterbeds and were producing more than ever so plans were underway to add more stalls with waterbeds so the girls wouldn't have to wait their turn.